I am currently in Italy. It is beautiful here. The beach is amazing and the weather is quite good. The waves of the sea are almost 10 meters high so we can’t swim because it is to dangerous. That is a little stupid but the weather will be better soon. I hope at least. Italy is so relaxing, exactly what I needed. Some rest and some relaxing. I’m here with a very good friend of mine and she is Italian which makes a lot of things a bit easier. It is so much fun with her here and I just love it. I’ll try to take some pictures so I can show you how amazing it is here.

We are resting right now because it is really hot outside and because we didn’t sleep so much so it is a good idea to take a short nap. My friend is lying next to me and she a bit tired, I am fine so I’m typing this article on her laptop. The whole room around me is dark and the only light is coming from the laptop screen in front of me. Besides the lovely relaxing music that is playing the only sound in the room is me typing.

Slowly I am getting calmer, I am listening to the beautiful music and try to find the right words to fill in this article. I am thinking about my home, my friends and everything what is now a bit further away. And slowly, my thoughts are getting deeper and deeper. I think about the death and I am not sure if it is the music that makes me think so much or if it is the darkness around me. If it is just me being ‘alone’. My friend isn’t sleeping, she is on her mobile phone. I think she really should try to sleep for a little while. She’s really tired and while I am writing this I discover how tired I actually am.

Before I went to Italy I finished Gossip Girl and I adore the ending. I started a new series called Orphan Black I love it. It is about a girl who sees another girl commit suicide. The girl looks exactly like her and because this girl (sarah) has a lot of problems, she takes the identity from the woman. When she is acting like she is this dead woman she discovers there a lot more people who look exactly like here. It is a bit of fantasy and science fiction but I love it. It is really exciting to watch and I love it.

I just put off the music because my friend wants to sleep. I hope I don’t annoy here witch my typing. I think I am so am going to try to finish this article quick.

It really is weird this silence in the room and I am feeling a bit alone even if my friend is laying next to me. Nobody can hear me and I can hear quite some people speaking Italian.

We met to very nice girls here and we are always spending the evening together. They are really kind I love to hang out with them. It is such a different vibe here. Everything is way more relaxed. Probably because everyone here is on holiday. Well I don’t know I really like it.

Even if I like it, I don’t think I could live here. Or that I could spent to months here. It gets a bit boring. You only go swimming and eating here and there is nothing other really to do. To go here for a little bit is fine but for actually a long time is really boring.

Next week I am sailing and I am really excited about that. I love sailing and because I only do it once a year I am always really excited about it.

I should let my friend sleep.

Speak to you soon

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Babette Helena

It has been a bit blurry the past month. My whole life was just one big blur. It seemed like I slept the whole time and suddenly I woke up. After phoning an hour with my friend, I woke up. The trees seemed greener de sky seemed more blue and my mind seemed crytsal clear. The fuzzy cloud had dissapeared and I asked myself why I fell into that big sleep modus.

I gave up on so many things, I attended classes but wasn’t really there. I was just staring and thinking of other things. Al I could think about was how ugly I was, how dumb I was and I had just given up life a little bit. Not that I was depressed or something, it wasn’t that bad. But there was this dark cloud above my head the whole time. I lost my whole motivations and all I did was standing in my own way. I told myself I couldn’t do it because I was to dumb, to ugly or whatever and because of that I didn’t even tried doing it. I ignored people I was unfriendly and wasn’t myself. Normally I talk to a lot of people but this last month was just weird.

After my friend said that I was acting a little bit weird I figured there was something wrong. I had complexes with myself and in a phone call I told my friend everything. She really helped me out there. I wasn’t really friendly to her the past month and I have the feeling that we have become now a bit closer because I told her everything. She is the one person who knows everything about me.

After the cloud cleared up, I suddenly started to see how weird I was acting. I wasn’t making any jokes. I had barerly spoken in any of my lessons and I haven’t been the best friend. So I started to try act ‘normal’ again. I was still unconfident about everything. I am still actually. Which is really weird because before my sleeping modus I was really confident. But I started talking in the lesson. I started joking around, started to actually say what I thought and it made me feel so good. I was finally relieved, i could say what thought and wasn’t filtering the things I wanted to say the whole time. I could finally speak again.

I am finally thinking about other things, but there is one thing that kept me going. How did I got in such a big blur? It was such a haze the whole time and I don’t know why…

I have thought a lot about this and I think I have an answer. The main reason is, is that I stopped believing in myself. I just gave up on myself. Thinking that I was a complete loser who couldn’t do anything. Who would just fail at life. I realised now that if I’m thinking something like that at the age of fifteen I am really going to be a fail. I shouldn’t give up now. (You should never give up actually) I have my whole life ahead of me and it isn’t going to workt out if I say at the age of fifteen that I am a complete loser. That I am ugly and dumb. It isn’t working. It doesnt’t help. So why don’t I say, that I am not that ugly? Why don’t I’m actually quite good and some things? That I am actually pretty smart? Is it arrogant? It don’t think it is arrogant to believe in yourself. And that is what I am going to do. I am believing in myself and that is where it starts. From there it is only working your butt of. With only hard work you will get exactly there where you want to be,

I wish you all I good night and I want you to believe in yourselfe! You guys are totally awesome and nobody can say you guys aren’t!

Speak to you soon!

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Babette Helena

Hey,

I’m Babette, a girl who enjoys writing a lot. I’m actually dutch and I have this ducth blog, if you want to check it out: http://www.bubblesstyle.blogspot.com

See you soon

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