What is it that makes physical pain more real than mental pain. Why does everyone immediately thinks of physical sickness when I say: ‘I am sick.’ Why does no one thinks that I am talking about depression or any other mental disorder. Why is that immediately out of question? And I find myself guilty of doing the exact same thing. My brain immediately thinks of physical sickness, visible pain. I don’t think of the pain in someone’s brain that can drive them so crazy they actually want to take their own life. I don’t see that pain, so my brain thinks it does not exists.

Why is no one taking mental health serious. Everyone needs to drink more water, but a meditation session is not helpfull at all? I don’t think that is true and yet I never find myself meditating. Why is it so easy to say: ‘I keep coughing, I think I need to go see a doctor’ and why is it so hard to say: ‘I have been feeling down for months, I think I need to go see a doctor?’ Why is that an uncommon thing to do?

Why are all these things the case, I ask. Does physical pain hurt more? Because I don’t think it does. I think mental health is a different but stronger pain. It can eat you up from the inside and you’ll be too afraid to ask anyone for help. It is probably just a little dip. You’re hormones are a bit weird this week, month, year. Mental disorders are harder to recognise, but that doesn’t mean that if you’re feeling down for a while you can’t go and see a doctor?
It is like going to the doctor because you’re coughing a lot and then the doctor tells you it is just a cold and it will pass.
Just go to the doctor when you’re feeling down, maybe the doctor will say it will be over soon and you won’t worry about it anymore.
But maybe the cough is actually pneumonia.
And maybe the feeling down is actually depression.

I think physical and mental health should be seen the same, they affect a person in different ways but they are both drastic and I am done with people not taking mental health serious.

Yet again, I am guilty of a lot of thinks I mentioned. So I am going to try to do better, to understand it better. I hope anyone who reads this, will try and do the same.

Only being
without thinking.
No one knows
where to go
where to be.
But it isn’t
the ‘where’ to focus on.
Focus on ‘to be’
and where’s, who’s, when’s
will follow.

Good evening.

I am feeling alright at the moment.
Everything is really chaotic in my mind so I am in a bit of a weird place.
I am not really sure if it is my actual mental health I am struggling with or if it is just my struggle with stress. Whatever it is, it is unpleasant.
When I am following my normal routine I always feel very basic. It is hard to explain, but let me try.
I do not have feeling of extreme excitement or extreme sadness, I feel a little numb. Like I am not completely taking everything in properly.
When I am in the Netherlands however, for example at sailing camp I have the constant feeling of joy spread through my body. I know that when I am in the Netherlands I have vacation and I am mostly stressfree, but I somehow can enjoy talking with dutch people more.

I am in a really weird place at the moment, so please do not mind my messy article.(again, lol) Maybe it is because I am extremely tired since I have a massive lack of sleep, but I really want to feel not so numb anymore. It is not really bad, do not get me wrong, I am not suffering. Not at all. My mental health is overall pretty good, but sometimes it isn’t. That is normal, I know, everyone is sad from time to time. I just am so dissapointed by myself because I cannot take everything in properly. Let me give you an example:

In 2014 I went to New York. I was extremely excited about it, because I mean it was my first time out of Europe and my first time in New York. So of course I was exctided.
The moment I arrived, everything was fine, but as the trip passed, I just took in less and less. The reason is that I was annoyed very easily and hold a grudge for everything I was annoyed at. So I still thought the city was amazing but I was mad an hour because of something stupid and therefore my mind thought about being mad, not about New York. It is really annoying, because I think that I could have enjoyed it a lot more…

Not only feeling numb is what I am struggling with, also sometimes I feel so tired. Literally, because I sleep not even close to enough, but as well as actually feeling tired I am also tired of being stressed out. I am tired of being around so many uninspiring, boring and superficial people. I just want to be around people with goals and passions. Around people with light coming from them. I am so tired of my school.

I guess the main thing is that I need to sleep. I really need to sleep. After a good nights rest I will feel better, that is something I am sure of! So that is what I am going to do.

Apart from being in a weird state I have been wathing Game of Thrones and it is so good! I love knights, lords, kingdoms, queens, kings. I am really fascinated by all that so this serie is absolutely perfect for me.
I am at season two at the moment, so I have still lots to wacth.

Have a nice evening. Try to stop for a moment and take in what is happening at the moment. Do you want to change anything? Try to change it. Do you want to achieve anything? Try to make a start to achieve your goal. Are you happy with your place? Try to enjoy where you are at the moment. Look proudly of all the thigs you already achieved, but do not become lazy. You can always do better, remember that, but also rememeber that, the fact that you can always do better does not mean it isn’t good enough already.

X

Babette Helena

So… Do you know these days where you just feel sad but do not know why? Well, it has not particulary been one of those days but one of those evenings. Let me explain:

I have always known what I wanted to do when I was older. I want to write. I want to create stories and films and series. I know what I want. I’ve known for quite some time now. Therefore, I want to grow up so fast. I want to do those things I really like and I don’t want to do maths, physics, geography, all those subjects, I do not want to do them. I want to do things I really like. But I have wanted this for about one and half year now. I need to finish school and this is another two years. So I am extremely rushing to grow up. I want to be a student, do things I like, meet new inspiring people. I do not like being sixteen, I feel that when I am twenty everything will be different. I know how it sounds, but I have this burning feeling inside that it is true.
So, why am I sad?
I am sad because for the first time I experienced some nostalgia. I am in my last two years of high school and all of sudden I feel so old. These two years are the end sprint until the finish, that is how it feels. And I don’t know where it comes from all of a sudden but I feel sad that it is almost over. Do not get me wrong, again I really want to start doing what I like. But to have a place where you need to go everyday is really comforting. I am for the first time in my life, scared of the future and I am so confused. This is a completley new feeling and I do not know how to deal with this. On one hand I can not wait to start at uni, but on the other hand am I scared for everything. For making the wrong decisions in life. It is really weird I can not really describe this feeling. Maybe I just feel old. Maybe, I feel like my highschool years pasted away in a second. Which is weird because they are not even over yet. I guess it feels all weird. It feels weird that people who are only one year older than me, and also good friends of mine are almost finished at school. I feel weird to be one of the older ones. Everyday when I walk through school I see al those new faces. I used know everyone at my school. Now, I can only recognize a few. I rember being so little, looking up to all the people who were sixteen. Because being sixteen is so old! Those people had already chose their subjects! Now that I am doing this, I ask myself if people look up to me? Everyday when I walk through school and see those new faces, I ask myself: do they know me? Because I used know everyone who was older than me.

I guess this ‘fear’ is because I think everything was better in the past. I don’t mean my past, but the really old past. The 80’s for example. I just like them more. Not only, I also believe that everything is better in the future, cause again I will be doing that what I like. I need to stop that. I need to stop and look at my own life. I am now sixteen, not twenty, and I am going to school everyday. That is how I should think. The future will come, I should not be worried about it. The past is gone, I won’t be another little girl who looks up to every ‘Old’ highschooler. I should not worry if people look up to me, because than I will just be scared, or sad that ‘times have changed’. Because that line is not been used enough by our society isn’t it?
Well. This article was extremely messy and I am still not sure what I want to say exactly, but it is nice to just write your thoughts down. This means they are out of my head, on paper.
Have a lovely evening

X

Babette Helena