My eyes are trembling because of the lack of sleep this past week. It feels as if my head is spinning and circling around some dark hole, which it is so close into falling into. I can barely keep my eyes open, but I still have them open, trying to distract myself, because I don’t want to do my work. Why is it that we have to do the things we don’t want to and never have time for the things we do want to do. I am suffering from a headache, but it isn’t an aching pain, just a dull pain, whispering in the background of my head. Slow, mellow guitar sounds fill my ears, calming me, but making me so much more sleepy than I already am. I need to do stuff, I need to stop procrastinating and start working, but I somehow can’t. I am unable to concentrate on anything, so I just stare into nothingness.

Next to me sits my friend, Mia, she is writing stuff down like crazy and studying hard for all our upcoming tests. Why am I unable to, why can’t I concentrate? “Hey Elle?” “Yes”, the word comes slowly out my mouth, as if my life is put into slowmotion. “Are you almost done?” I break eyecontact with the wall I have been staring at, look down at my blank paper and shake my head. “Come on.” “I know.” I don’t want to talk to her right now, talking in general seems not in order at the moment. I am too tired to speak, my eyes tremble too much and my head is too numb because of my dull pain to say anything at all. I yawn and stretch my body, it feels good, I feel a tiny little bit better. Mia starts writing again, she gives up so quickly on humans, she works like crazy, but she never really has a project of her own, she is only focused on school work. She is like a machine, only suitable for work but with no mind of her own. That is not entirely true, she is a lovely person. She is just not an entrepreneur or very creative, she’ll do great in an office, where she has orders she has to follow, but she will never take the lead. She never questions why she is doing something, she just does it. I sometimes wish I was like her. I would just get my shit done that way. Not that I am the free spirit myself who leads everthing and everyone, but I always want to rebell. Why do I have to do this? Why can’t I decide what is important and what isn’t?

“You are an angsty teen”, my sister who is eleven years older once said that to me and I have tried to understand the meaning of ‘angsyt teen’ ever since. And even though I still don’t really know what it means, I somehow seem to agree with her.

I am Elle, sixteen years old and I am your typical angsty teen.