So, I am starting my last year of high school in two weeks. It all hit me just now. There is going to be one year left, one year with the faces I’ve known for twelve years. One more year in the building I know every corner of. One more year, sitting in class, listening to the teachers I know so well now. One more year of the subjects I am not going to be pursuing in uni. But this year is not only a year of doing things for the last time, it is also time for doing things the first time. Applying for university, graduate and being the oldest in my school.

I can’t quite wrap my head around the idea that this really is the last year I am going to be spending every single day with all these people, with all my friends. It is bizarre that my whole world is going to be different and in two weeks, the last year in my ‘old’/’normal’ world is going to start. Maybe I am exaggerating, but that is how it feels.

Do not get me wrong, I am utterly excited for this last year. I feel like it is going to be the most fun year of my whole school time, but I am just curious as to how I am exactly going to feel. I have been dreaming about this year, mostly the end of this year, for so long now and I am just very curious if the realitly matches my daydreams. Becaus if I think rationally about it, I know it isn’t going to. I tend to overromantisize the student life. I have this weird belief that everything is going to be alright the moment I am starting at uni, but that is not the truth. I am me, and I am not going to change, even if I am going to study somewhere else, in a completely different environment, I am still the same person. And of course, I am going to change a little bit, but there is this base, this first layer of Babette that isn’t going to change, because that is what makes me, me. So of course all my problems aren’t going to go anywhere if I am going to university. I need to make an effort if I want my problems to dissapear. Things are going to be different, but it isn’t going to be all great and lovely, I am still a human and I am going to struggle. And I am quite excited to learn how.

As to want I want to study: English literature. I want to analyze books, discover the deeper meaning in a sentence or the usage of a specific word. I want to read a lot and learn about literature. Even though I only have had Dutch literature at my school, I do know that I am going to like it, at least, I think I am going to like it, because you can never know for sure. But it feels right to choose a subject I am passionate about and interested in and frankly also quite good at. (At least at Dutch lit) But we will see how that part of my life unfolds, I still have one year in which a lot can happen.

This schoolyear is going to be the first schoolyear where I won’t be playing fieldhockey. As the ride to my training is about one and a half hour, I decide to quit in my last year. I am sad about it, but I am also relieved that I don’t have to sit in the train for a two hour training for so damn long. Since I won’t be playing fieldhockey, I will need to discipline myself to actually go jogging. I am naturally quite lazy, so that is going to be a challenge, but we will see how that goes.

I am also going to try to pass my Cambridge and Delf exam next year, so that is some extra work I will need to focus on. Besides of course my actual subjects in which I am graduating. It would be convient if I would work hard on them too.

At least I know I am going to be busy this year. It is the last sprint until the finish and I can’t wait to finally really start using my legs to run.