Good evening.

I am feeling alright at the moment.
Everything is really chaotic in my mind so I am in a bit of a weird place.
I am not really sure if it is my actual mental health I am struggling with or if it is just my struggle with stress. Whatever it is, it is unpleasant.
When I am following my normal routine I always feel very basic. It is hard to explain, but let me try.
I do not have feeling of extreme excitement or extreme sadness, I feel a little numb. Like I am not completely taking everything in properly.
When I am in the Netherlands however, for example at sailing camp I have the constant feeling of joy spread through my body. I know that when I am in the Netherlands I have vacation and I am mostly stressfree, but I somehow can enjoy talking with dutch people more.

I am in a really weird place at the moment, so please do not mind my messy article.(again, lol) Maybe it is because I am extremely tired since I have a massive lack of sleep, but I really want to feel not so numb anymore. It is not really bad, do not get me wrong, I am not suffering. Not at all. My mental health is overall pretty good, but sometimes it isn’t. That is normal, I know, everyone is sad from time to time. I just am so dissapointed by myself because I cannot take everything in properly. Let me give you an example:

In 2014 I went to New York. I was extremely excited about it, because I mean it was my first time out of Europe and my first time in New York. So of course I was exctided.
The moment I arrived, everything was fine, but as the trip passed, I just took in less and less. The reason is that I was annoyed very easily and hold a grudge for everything I was annoyed at. So I still thought the city was amazing but I was mad an hour because of something stupid and therefore my mind thought about being mad, not about New York. It is really annoying, because I think that I could have enjoyed it a lot more…

Not only feeling numb is what I am struggling with, also sometimes I feel so tired. Literally, because I sleep not even close to enough, but as well as actually feeling tired I am also tired of being stressed out. I am tired of being around so many uninspiring, boring and superficial people. I just want to be around people with goals and passions. Around people with light coming from them. I am so tired of my school.

I guess the main thing is that I need to sleep. I really need to sleep. After a good nights rest I will feel better, that is something I am sure of! So that is what I am going to do.

Apart from being in a weird state I have been wathing Game of Thrones and it is so good! I love knights, lords, kingdoms, queens, kings. I am really fascinated by all that so this serie is absolutely perfect for me.
I am at season two at the moment, so I have still lots to wacth.

Have a nice evening. Try to stop for a moment and take in what is happening at the moment. Do you want to change anything? Try to change it. Do you want to achieve anything? Try to make a start to achieve your goal. Are you happy with your place? Try to enjoy where you are at the moment. Look proudly of all the thigs you already achieved, but do not become lazy. You can always do better, remember that, but also rememeber that, the fact that you can always do better does not mean it isn’t good enough already.

X

Babette Helena